I had intended on getting this post out yesterday for Jess and Ashley's link up—it’s the little things. That obviously didn’t happen. With me and the hubs feeling like dog poo for the last couple days and yet another snow storm I merely snuggled on the couch by the fire with Starbucks in hand and later wine.

Is there really any better way to spend a snow day than reading mags, sipping your fav drinks, and relaxing by a hot fire? I think not.

Unfortunately, with the hubby being an officer and all they don’t really get snow days. He works second shift which leaves me alone at night during the week. (Aside from my big 80 pound fur baby that thinks she's a lap dog) Sometimes that isn’t such a bad thing y’all. Last night was just that.

Little instagram selfie before the big game Sunday
in all my paleness glory. Where's the sun??

I relaxed by the fire and just wrote. read. sipped. Exactly what I needed. I intended on writing about a sweet moment I had a couple weekends ago getting pedis with my “sis” aka best family girlfriend and my goddaughter. But I just felt like last night meant a little more. I had the alone time I was craving to reflect, and get some thoughts out of my system.

 

Backtrack a couple weekends and I went for birthday pedis with two of my favorite ladies my sis, Lori and goddaughter, Ryleigh. We had a blast. I enjoyed trucking that one year old tot around all day for pedis, lunch, shopping... the works! However, I just kept feeling like something was missing. I’ll give y’all one guess… of course my babe Lylah was what I was missing. I kept remembering all of those hopes and dreams I had of taking my own babe to do those girly things we all adore.

I can tell you last night though I felt very hopeful again.
I just want to say that again…
I have hope.

Wow. I’m so grateful I have a God that works the way He does. A month ago I don’t know that I would have been able to say those three words and truly meant it like I do now. From the beginning of this journey I have always tried to stay true in Him. Although, I’ll tell y’all the truth I did waiver a bit. It was hard to understand the “whys.” At times it still is. So I don’t focus on that. I focus on my journey.
He wrote it. Not me.
I didn’t craft this story because if I had it definitely would have
gone a little differently. 

But in that there’s a wonderful feeling. I feel renewed hope. I felt like I was getting so much out of my system last night. There’s a lot I haven’t spoken about yet. A lot I’m afraid of. Some my husband doesn’t quite know.
I’m working on that.

My hubby is ready for baby #2 and February brings a little more worry for me than it does for him. February is the month we got the green light on “Do what makes ya happy” speech… that was my doctor saying February is the month we can start trying again. Who wouldn’t be happy? Me… kind of? 

I’m more than ready for a viable pregnancy. A healthy babe I get to bring home from the hospital. I want one so badly it terrifies the hell out of me.

I’m fearful of losing another baby. 

I know God is good. I believe that. I trust Him. I’m still learning to accept that His plan may be different than my own though. 

 

So, last night for me was clarity. I just wrote and wrote and wrote some more.
What I’m hopeful for.
What I’m praying, wishing, dreaming, and especially afraid of.

By getting it all out I’m able to conquer it. I’m able to allow myself to accept the fear and not let it consume me.
I’m able to solely concentrate on the hope I feel.

Those pure moments in your heart… that’s where you’ll find your way. 

That’s where your hope lives.
 

And that’s where I’m choosing to focus my energy.

I encourage y’all to take some time to focus on your heart. What is a pure moment you’ve had recently that’s allowed you to remember it’s the little things that mean the most?

xoxo

His plans are far better

I’ve been asked recently what I would tell a mama experiencing a loss like mine. First of all, there are no words. There is nothing I can tell you to make it better or make the pain go away. I can say I’m so very sorry you are experiencing this kind of loss. And I am. I have days where I don’t understand and feel lost and alone. I wish I could tell you that it will go away but I can’t. Honestly, I don’t think it ever will. You’re a new you now and you’ll have to figure out how to live this new life, this new story God has given you, your way. Whatever that may mean to you. No one can decide that for you, but yourself.

I can tell you that it will get better. It will get easier. One day at a time. God is good and if you believe in Him and His promise then you will rejoice again.
You will feel happy and hopeful again.

I tell you the truth; you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.
You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.
-John 16:20-

More than anything I can tell you I’ll be praying for you. I believe in the power of prayer. I have seen its works first hand. I know my God is good and doesn’t do things to hurt us.
He simply has a plan.

The hardest part of that truth is realizing sometimes His plan may be different than our own. But once you get to that point you can open yourself up to His plan. Because in all reality His plan is far better than any of our dreams. <3

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight.
-Proverbs 3:5-6-

I’m praying for you and my prayer is that you find peace and hope. That you learn to let God mold you into His plan. Let Him work. Let Him show you your story and how to use it.

I’m still learning this myself.
But I can promise you, it’s worth it.

{ If you’re a loss mama I’d love to hear from you. I certainly don’t have the best words or advice but I will be your biggest cheerleader. I’d love to share stories, listen or (read), and simply be a shoulder to you from one loss mama to another. }