I'm linking up with the 5 on Friday ladies again but this week I'm doing it on a few items that I'm lovin' lately. You should definitely check their blogs out it's always such a fun read
A. Liz Adventures, Carolina Charm, The Good Life, & Hello Happiness

O N E

I’m really loving my Hunter Boots. We have a random 50’ day, then some snow, and back up to the 60’s and then drops back down to the 30’s, there’s mud...everywhere! Can spring just be here already? And I could really use a little sunshine on my skin.

T W O

My brin & bell bracelet. I love supporting small business owners. It’s great to give back to the “little guy” in my opinion, and Etsy is an awesome outlet to wonderful handmade items. I’m not a huge jewelry lover. I wear my wedding rings, a gold heart with Lylah’s baby ring on my gold necklace, and my brin & bell initial bracelet daily. This bracelet is absolutely perfect for dainty wrists like mine. It’s delicate and so cute. I only take it off to shower and sleep. You can customize yours anyway you’d like she has tons of options. Whether you’re into gold, rose gold, or silver and whether you want a symbol or initials, or a combination. LOVE it so much!

brin & bell
(Disclaimer: This is not a paid product review just my own opinion about
one of my everyday staples)

T H R E E

Fresh mani & pedi for Spring. Hoping it will at least help me pretend it feels like spring when it doesn’t. Really looking forward to some warm sunshiney weather!
Nails: OPI “Bubble Bath” with OPI “Pirouette My Whistle” on top
Toes: Orly “Gumdrop”

F O U R

Really looking forward to this weekend. Of course, it’s another busy one. What is it with March & April? It’s pretty chaotic. But the best kinda busy. We’re going to a concert tonight and a BBQ tomorrow night. Hopefully mother nature gets a grip because we’re now expecting a few snow showers with the high at 50’.. makes sense? Nope.

F I V E

This cutie… how could you not love her sweet face? Poor girl got a bath this week and it’s always a shit show. She loves to swim but hates the bath. She’ll run as fast as she can and jump as far as she can into a lake but when it comes to hoppin in the tub for a bath when she’s stinky it’s a no go. Poor girl, you can’t help but laugh a little though she’s so pitiful.

Happy weekend friends!

xoxo

Time Doesn't Keep

I’m linking up again with Jess and Ashley for the It’s The Little Things link up. One that I seriously love so much and look forward to writing each week. And I really enjoy reading everyone’s “little things” that often end up reminding me
to slow down too. Such an awesome link up to be a part of!

Free print download available here

When planning out Lylah’s nursery I was obsessed with figuring out the décor. I absolutely love decorating our home and knew having a fresh room, especially a nursery to do would be my heaven. I had always heard of this sweet little poem but it wasn’t until I was pregnant that I really felt the meaning of it. I knew somehow I wanted to incorporate it into the nursery. While I know this doesn’t really pertain to a puppy, I’d like to believe it kinda does for me.

Last weekend someone asked how old Jessie is and I kindly replied although, I knew what their next response would be. I told them she was two and still gets really excited around new people, much like many labs do. They are an energetic friendly breed. Of course, the person responded exactly how I had anticipated, they said oh wait until she’s 4 she’ll calm down then. Well, asswipe I don’t want her to calm down. I’m sorry her kisses and hugs are not quite what you wanted, but you walked up to us. She in no way tackled the man, jumped on him at all. She wagged her tail, licked his hands clean, and did circles around his legs getting so excited for the pets.

 

There are times when I think it’ll be nice when she gets a couple years older and wants to play a little less. And then I stop myself right there. Jessie was Austin’s birthday present two years ago. We had just moved into our very first apartment together. We were newly engaged, only two months. And we wanted a baby like yesterday, which obviously isn’t practical when you aren’t even married yet. So, I settled for the next best thing, a puppy. I searched the internet, local papers, and called breeder after breeder for a couple weeks with not much luck. Until I ran into a breeder about 30 minutes away. I knew we wanted a lab. They’re my favorite and Austin had a yellow lab growing up, Maggie (That passed away a few months after we got Jessie) Anyway, knowing we would only want a yellow female I called the breeder with high hopes. They ended up being all spoken for. I bursted into tears, with Austin’s birthday only two weeks away it was feeling like a lost cause. I begged the breeder to call me if someone backed out. Turns out that next weekend he called me and said a couple had changed their mind, and he had a yellow female available. I couldn’t keep the secret I told Austin we had a road trip that weekend to go visit his present. When we walked in all of the puppies ran to the door, and a few minutes later they waddled back to their Mama ready to feed again except for one. She sat at my feet licking my shoes and chewing my shoestrings. He told us that she was our puppy, the only one without a collar on. While Austin held her I paid the breeder and we snapped a couple pictures. He put Jessie’s new collar on her with my name on it, so they knew which one was ours and we left with the fullest hearts.

Here we are, two years later and our hearts are still so full. A few hundred dollar vet visits, three dog beds, and numerous chewed up shoes and God knows what else under our belts and we’re still so in love with Jess. I wouldn’t change any of it because I know this won’t last. Unlike that man who liked my dog just not enough that she was so hyper, I know this won’t last.

Before long she’ll be too old or sick to play like she does now. She won’t be able to take the several mile walks in the woods with us. She won’t be able to go hunting every chance Austin gets anymore. She won’t be able to run to the door when we get home so thrilled we’re finally home. She won’t be able to run laps around our backyard while Austin makes her snow forts and tunnels to run through. She won’t be able to run the perimeter checking on the barns and everything else around the farm every weekend like she does now. She won’t be able to do a lot of what she LOVES to do.

We took a hike through the woods a couple weekends ago and gosh it was amazing to see her so happy. In her element completely. Like it was any other day, just her and Dad trotting around checking things out seeing if they could find an antler shed or whatever else they wanted to do. It was beyond adorable. I usually always go with them to our farm to play but not always out in the woods. It’s a long hike and I get a little whiny (LOL ;) but this time I wanted to go. We finally had some warm weather and the sun was out. Jessie would run ahead like she always does and then she’d stop turn and look back at us like, “Come on Mama why are you taking so long.” My heart swelled up so much I cried. I couldn’t help it but I balled like a baby in those woods. Because I know, this won’t last. And that literally breaks my heart. Jessie was so ready for her sister. She knew something was coming. Dogs are so instinctive it’s crazy. She knew I was pregnant and she knew something was wrong when I went into labor. She knew something was really wrong when we came home without a baby and me sick. She never left my side ONCE while I was pregnant. Or even afterward. She laid with me for days, never moving. She knew.

I can’t wait to see her with our babies one day. I know they’ll ride her around like a pony when they’re toddlers, just like I did with my dog. They’ll trot off in the woods with us or at the farm and Jess will walk right beside them waiting for them to fall. She’ll be right there to catch them. I can’t wait for this part.

But I can. Because I know this won’t last.

Babies don’t keep. This time doesn’t keep. Before we know it we’ll be old and grey in our rocking chairs on the porch drinking teas. Before we know it everything will have changed, and we’ll have missed it if we don’t slow down to appreciate it.

I’m terrified of that. Missing things. That’s why I take a thousand pictures a day or I write constantly. I’m afraid of forgetting something, or missing a moment that may seem mundane. Because in the end those normal, mundane, regular, everyday moments in life turn out to be the most significant.

Yes, baby girl likes us to hold her paws, and when we're in the car
she has to rest her head on the center console so she is in
the middle of us.

Babies don’t keep. This time doesn’t keep. It won’t be like this for long…

(Yes, Darius Rucker lyrics intended…go listen to that song now y’all!)

3.23.14

What should be the day we welcomed our baby girl into this world will
forever give me a heavy heart.
Sunday, March 23, 2014.

I’ve stared at a blank screen so many times trying to come up with the words. The words for what this day means. Although, it doesn’t nearly mean as much as the day she was born it still breaks my heart to think about this day. The day that should have been one of the happiest of our lives.

I started thinking about stories.
Everyone has a story.

I think that has been my purpose so far, her story. And that may change. There may come a time where God gives me a new story, or adds to the one I’m telling now but whatever happens there’s a story to tell here. I’m not so sure it’s entirely about Lylah either. Sometimes I feel at odds with the things I’ve shared. Like at times maybe it was too much? Because it’s about her, it isn’t truly all about me, so who am I to tell her story? But she isn’t here. And one day I hope I meet her at the pearly gates and she tells me I did the right thing. That God wanted me to do it. That I helped someone. And I brought honor to her name. That God got the glory in all of it.
I so desperately pray that’s what’s to come of this.

Everyone has a story.

My Lylah girl’s story is full of hope. The Lord sent her to us to give us hope. I love resting in the truth that God made her just for us. That WE were chosen for her. God chose her, chose us, and in that we chose her.

My chosen daughter, I would relive that day and every day of my pregnancy just to feel you one more time, to hold you one more time. I chose you. And I will always choose to tell your story, to share your pretty face, and to remember it all. I will always remember we were chosen for you.

Lylah Grace lived a life some might say with more purpose than a man who lived a hundred years. She brought many to the Lord, gave hope, left a tremendous imprint on many hearts, showed what grace, faith, hope and love mean in a time it is so very hard to believe in them. She took her final breath in the safest place on this Earth, in her Mama’s womb. And the Lord called her home. Her purpose complete.
Free of any pain, she can soar.

“The amount of time on earth matters very little: a man can live in greed and pride 90 years and never find God, know Him or accomplish His Plan. A stillborn baby on the other hand, teaches people to love, brings people to the Lord, teaches us the tenuous nature of life and teaches us a faith that those who have not suffered loss can never know. A child not even breathing for an hour, can have an impact greater than a famous preacher. The purpose of life is not ours to decide nor in our hands: it is brought about by God.”
-Author Unknown

I will always carry the weight of this with me. I’m positive I will respond in the future, that the baby I’m holding isn’t my first in fact; they have a sister watching over them in Heaven. And I’m certain my future children will know their sister. Will know her name, what she did for us, and how her purpose was fulfilled because she did so much more than most can do in a lifetime.

She led those around her to God.
She made people feel love and hope again. She did so many things before she was ever born. I’m positive her life has more meaning than anyone will ever know because the only person who is responsible for it is Him. So, I’ll rest in that.

I’ll rest in knowing it wasn’t all for nothing. I didn’t go through a difficult labor and all of the pain to be ripped away from my baby. I didn’t listen to the nurses and grief staff while they handed me the only pieces left of my daughter that I’ll ever hold, just to ignore them now. I wasn’t more excited or full of joy and love in those 21 weeks only to never feel that again. I didn’t relentlessly plan and create and enjoy the process of pregnancy, what a new baby brings to a family; to never relive it again. It wasn’t all for nothing, and I know that with more purpose now than ever before.

I’ll rest in knowing that Lylah’s life meant so much more. Without her, without all of this I wouldn’t feel as strongly, as passionately, and as fiercely as I do now about every little thing. I know for certain we are destined for more, and that’s all due to Lylah Grace.

I feel at peace when I think like that. But I also sob. And my heart feels so heavy it weighs my whole body down so much I feel like I could collapse. Because sometimes, even at peace, it just doesn’t quite seem fair. That she had to go for us to learn our truth about my body. The body God made for childbirth. One of the most beautiful things a woman can do, mine was made just a little different. But we had to lose her to learn it was different. And no matter how I dissect that, what scripture I look to find the comfort, what meaning her life had, sometimes it all just isn’t enough for me.
I’m at peace with that too.

More than anything I know I’ll never take motherhood for granted. I’ll never feel the way some women do with their children. I think it’s only something a mother can feel that has lost a child. There’s no way to understand this unless you’ve been there. I’ll never wish my days away looking for more tomorrows. I’ll hold steady in the today, because that’s all you’re promised.

 

I’m not angry with God. I don’t place blame. I understand. I accept. Sometimes I’m sad. And more often than not I find the joy. I feel alive again. I breathe without feeling like it may be my last breath. And I smile. But more importantly, I fiercely feel all of it. Nothing has changed in that truth. I feel everything so much deeper than I ever did before.

To celebrate Lylah we let off some balloons and with each one made a wish. It was a cold cloudy day until I let go of the last balloon. A little ray of sunshine peeked through the clouds, and I know in my heart that was her. We said a prayer by our tree at our farm that holds so much meaning for us.

 

Lylah's story isn't over, just like ours isn't. This little girl has done so many things, and she continues to everyday. Her spirit alone has done so much good.

I didn't think this day would be such a happy one for me. But again, I was reminded of a God that loves us unconditionally and is only trying to guide us along in His plan in His time. The gentle reminder of that made this day a hundred times more happy than what I imagined it'd be. And I'm so very thankful for a God that rejoices with us but also feels the pain we feel when our hearts are broken. 

The same God that will never leave or forsake you.

My little Lylah Grace, I carry your heart I carry it in my heart. Every day baby girl.