Love in Motherhood

When I stumbled upon Anna Kate’s blog Home Away From Home and read she’s hosting a “Love in Motherhood” link up I knew this was something I had to join in on. I love the mama blogging community so much already,
and I enjoy meeting new mamas and reading new stories.

I began this blog so I could write through my pain and be a testimony to God’s love and grace for us. I know deep in my heart I’m being called to do something so much bigger than myself. Something so much bigger than my Lylah Grace.
 

I know I’m being called to tell my story. By telling it, especially here, my hope is to touch just ONE woman in her hour of need. One family, one beautiful loving family in their darkest hours of hurt… I hope I’m reaching you, because you deserve to hear the words of hope and inspiration. The truth in knowing you’re not alone in your pain. The truth in knowing it’s okay to be angry. God forgives. It’s okay to hurt. To feel the pain so deeply that it rocks you to your core.

But it’s also okay to move on a little each day, it’s okay to feel happy
and hopeful again. God wants you to find hope again.

When I was a little girl and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I always responded, a mommy. From the time I could walk I pushed around my little toy stroller with multiple baby dolls. And I was their mama. I mimicked everything my mommy did, and she’d laugh and smile at me.

When I got a little older people would ask me what do you wanna do when you grow up, Hill? I’d always respond with the same response, you know something creative I think but I want to be a mom!

From the beginning I knew I wanted to do the opposite of what I grew up around. My parents divorced when I was about seven years old, and that was tough. My mom worked 50+ hour weeks to support me and my sister. I had to grow up fast. I was babysitting constantly in junior high and for the most part loved it. I enjoyed taking care of my sister just not so much that she got in my stuff ;)

I learned more than anything else I wanted a family. I wanted my own family. I had this deep desire to create a family with a man that loved God more than he loved me. I wanted to find a man that worked tirelessly at our relationship. I was fearful of divorce and knew early in life that, that would not be me. I wouldn’t marry a man unless I knew it was God who put him in my life.

But still they asked and my response changed a little over the years: nurse & mom, writer & mom, buyer for a major fashion company & a mama, then a writer & a mommy, and finally a nurse & a mama.

I switched my major twice in college before dropping it all and moving back home to begin studying nursing. I had two years under my belt before I met my husband and my entire world changed. I continued nursing school but knew deep in my soul God put him there just for me. God brought me the man I dreamt of.

We both knew from the beginning we wanted to start a family right away. We were married in October 2012 and began trying in December. Seven months later I found two pink lines on a little stick that I had so desperately prayed over.

I wanted to be a mama so badly. More than that though, I wanted to make my own family. It was the most important thing I wanted out of this life. I wanted a husband that appreciated and adored me as much as I did him. And I wanted babies. I always said 3 was a good number but however God wanted to bless me I would be okay with. Little did I know God would bless me much differently than I ever thought imaginable in my young years.

But again, even now I’ll tell y’all the same. What do you wanna do now Hill?
I want to be a mama. I want to be a wife, a wife God teaches me to be.
And a mama I’m learning more about each day.