What Makes A Mother

After I had Lylah my nurse (the most sweetest amazing nurse in the world) brought a box to us. She sat on the bed and reached for our hands only for a second. She looked at us with tears filling her eyes and nodded.

She said this is the part I don’t like. I could help deliver a million healthy beautiful babies, and the loss of just one will over power all of that joy. She continued, there are no words. But God is good and I think he brought this just for you.

The hospital I delivered at has a program that gives loss mamas a box full of special items to remember your baby. In it had a tiny hat, little cloth diaper, dress that would fit my one pound sweet girl, blanket, poems, ornaments, literature on His word, pouch for a little hair curl, and cards to have hand and foot prints stamped. Among several other things this tiny box held so many beloved items I will cherish for the rest of my life. All handmade items from families just like us.

My nurse took the photos that they had taken for us along with our ID bracelets, her tape measure that had a little touch of blood on the corner from her on it, her cards with her tiny hand and foot print stamped, the hat I put on her, and one of her blankets I wrapped her in and collected it all in that sweet box. 

Everything I had left of my daughter I could fit in a white painted box
with a pink rose on the top.

How is that even possible? How is that even fair? It’s not.
I can’t let myself go there, to that dark place…

In my little box contained a poem that I thought I’d share with y’all today.
If you’re a loss mama I hope this brings some comfort to you.
And just so you know as I type my heart breaks for you too.

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother and I know I heard him say,
A mother has a baby. This we know is true.
But God, can you be a mother when your baby’s not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied with confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies. When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb but there’s no need to stay.

I just don’t understand this. God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile with other children and say,

“We go to earth to learn our lessons of life and love and fear.
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly. My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, Oh so much, but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow’s where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,
‘Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here.’”

So you see, my dear sweet one, your child is okay.
Your baby is here in My home and this is where she’ll stay.
She’ll wait for you with Me until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home, she’ll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother – It’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of, right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother, until their time is done.
She’ll be up here with Me one day, and know you’re the best one.

Author Unknown

My face is soaked and snotty and if there’s just one thing I could say,
Mama don’t be sad today, your baby is there with you.

And on the day that you go Home remember
 they’ll be at the gates waiting just for you.

After I had already written this post I got a terrifying message from our two best friends. They are expecting and baby is due to arrive in July! She texted me asking what it felt like when your water breaks. As I read those words my heart broke. She had also included, “Hill, don’t panic!” I’m very prone to getting ahead of myself and clearly they know our situation.

As the day progressed we learned it was only a small scare. She is taking it easy on bed rest for a week and the doctors don’t seem too concerned. Her water didn’t break but she had a few things going on they want to monitor. If y’all would say a sweet prayer for our friends Tim and Kelsey I’d be forever grateful.

Prayers to all of you sweet mamas out there <3

xoxo